Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
