Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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