Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
