Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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