Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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