Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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