he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
