My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
