i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
