I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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