i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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