He asked to "fluff my boner.."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
