I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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