I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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