he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
