"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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