After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
