I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
