Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
