at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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