o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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