I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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