my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
