Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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