I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
