If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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