You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
