I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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