You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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