the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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