dude i'm inner monologue high
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize