I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
