idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
