I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
