I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
