I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
