why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
