Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
