Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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