the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
