Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
