Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
