my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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