yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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