You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
