i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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