And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
