I wish I only lived at night.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
