they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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