he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
