it wasn't lemon gatorade
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
