I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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