After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize