I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
