It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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