Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
