I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
