i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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