So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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