so explain again why im purple
no
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
