His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
