well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
