Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
