She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
