don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
