If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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