I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
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When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
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I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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